I.Snell. As in...I Snell A Buncha Wussies!

This little blurb, according to mlb.com:

Ian Snell will miss his scheduled start Tuesday with a burn blister on his right index finger. Snell burned his finger while grilling chicken for a salad he was preparing for himself. He thought he'd be able to pitch Tuesday anyway, but the Pirates aren't going to take any chances. With the off day Monday, he can easily be pushed back to Saturday. Tom Gorzelanny will be moved up to get the start on Tuesday

I just love these stories where we get to find out the inside scoop on athlete's going-ons at home and the intricate details of their injuries..

JUST KIDDING. Shut up and play ball!!! as we like to say. I don't care if you burned yourself. Or if you were cooking chicken at the time. Not even if it was out of Wade Boggs' cookbook-- just euphemize it as a "domestic mishap," wrap it up, and move on. Your club's at the bottom of the central division barrel; tell your pitching staff you're not afraid of tainting your 5th ranked ERA and you wanna go out there and pitch, dammit! Don't forget you're a PIRATE for godsake. See that WWJD bracelet (What Would Johnny(Depp) Do?) on your burnt hand? Good! Think of allll the pirates before you who fought for their rightfully deserved booty with ONE EYE and ONE LEG and pull yourself together.

Come to think about it, maybe Snell pulled a Vlad Ram and lied about it to avoid breaching statutes of contract. Broke a bone shredding the alpines of Colorado? Now ya slipped on a patch of ice. Secretly indulging in your favorite hawaiian pasttime, fire juggling??? Oops, looks like now I burned my finger on a piece of chicken. Maybe he really is cooler than I thought. But I guess we'll never know.