Peeps I'm all about giving the little man his due and on a team full of superstars, I stumbled upon a "golden turd" as though it had been placed there from my pug Yoda on a silver Platter.
.353 avg 40 runs 8 hrs 30 rbi and the guys even halled that "Zeus" like body successfully twice over to second on the pitchers first move to the plate,twice!!! So you know the second time wasn't a fluke, this man has the speed of a cheetah at dusk ready to pounce on raw meat when the Zoo trainers finally release dinner that night, THOSE are reflexes eff the safari. A 22 game current hitting streak almost puts to shame the 3 year chowdah eating contest champion which currently is his title. Sources close to me say the goatee provides superhuman strength and a heightened sense of awareness on the field, almost like a spidey sense in the comics if you will. The mans first hit was a homerun in Toronto folks, if this isn't a sign I don't know what is. The guy can play any position on the diamond that you want him to, hell give the guy some slacks and a retarded black little button hat and I'm sure he can ump a game for ya...steeeee riiiiiike. What I'm trying to say is sure he may look like a Pirate of the 7 seas...well maybe not a full on pirate, but a member of the crew, the truck driver honkin his horn wantin girls to show him their racks on the 60 freeway, a serial rapist wanted by state officials dead or alive with a bounty on his head, Dan Aykroyd Dragnet era with a goatee, your future newly born baby straight out of your girls vajayjay...thats a handsome baby. Looks may fool you but this man has to be one of the most special players in the game if I already haven't said enough... Dominican, japanese, Italian (anyone know what italians are sayin half the timeanyway?) players and how does he communicate with them? how has he learned all of these languages he hasn't (and now for your 6th sense best movie ending spin moment for the year) it's simply ESP. He's the only known human to possess this freaklike quality and has has been known to not only read minds, but see the future, he's also good at Math and has served 10 years as a peace corp in Somalia feeding the needy and tending to the sick, he's pretty much the greatest human being alive...You will know his name and you will remember his legacy "Youk n the goat" like dust in the winnebago. You know what I think I'm gonna stop writing and grow myself a goatee...right now.
oh shit wait Entourage is on, fuck that
-db
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